


Mission Impossible

by simeysgirl



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Hogwarts, Hogwarts Eighth Year, M/M, Secrets, Spies & Secret Agents, Talking Animals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-28
Updated: 2015-07-28
Packaged: 2018-04-11 17:56:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4446125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/simeysgirl/pseuds/simeysgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was their motto: Never a case too small. There were, though, cases that were maybe a bit too big.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mission Impossible

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [](http://kittyhelix.livejournal.com/profile)[kittyhelix](http://kittyhelix.livejournal.com/) for [](http://serpentinelion.livejournal.com/profile)[serpentinelion](http://serpentinelion.livejournal.com/) Glompfest 2014. G, diolch yn fawr ♥

**Title:** Mission Impossible  
 **Beta:** [](http://disapparater.livejournal.com/profile)[**disapparater**](http://disapparater.livejournal.com/)  
 **Glomp For:** [](http://kittyhelix.livejournal.com/profile)[**kittyhelix**](http://kittyhelix.livejournal.com/)  
 **Pairing(s):** Harry/Draco  
 **Summary:** It was their motto: Never a case too small. There were, though, cases that were maybe a bit too big.  
 **Rating:** PG  
 **Disclaimer:** All Harry Potter characters herein are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No copyright infringement is intended.  
 **Warning(s):** Complete lack of seriousness.  
 **Epilogue compliant?** Not in the slightest.  
 **Word Count:** 5500  
 **Author's/Artist's Notes:** Written for [](http://kittyhelix.livejournal.com/profile)[**kittyhelix**](http://kittyhelix.livejournal.com/) for [](http://serpentinelion.livejournal.com/profile)[**serpentinelion**](http://serpentinelion.livejournal.com/) Glompfest 2014. G, diolch yn fawr ♥

“Order, order! Settle down; I'd like to get this meeting started.”

The assembled crowd quietened immediately at the booming voice. He wasn't the official leader; they'd never actually held an election, but seniority prevailed, and Bob chaired the meetings. Official or not, not one of the group wanted to get on his bad side. One swipe of his enormous tentacles would send any one of them flying into the lake, regardless of whether they had wings, or the ability to swim. And Bob did not like to be interrupted. In fact, as many creatures had said—in quiet tones in darkened corridors out of Bob's earshot, of course—it would seem that Bob simply liked the sound of his own voice.

Human children, Bob loved. He'd play with them for hours, he did. Human adults, he tolerated. Barely. But his fellow creatures, he had very little patience for. Every member of their little group had displeased him enough to have a soaking, except, bizarrely, their hyperactive newest member, Arnold. That little pygmy puff had Bob wrapped around his little finger. Purely metaphorically, of course, as Bob would surely squish him if he tried and the simple fact that Arnold had no fingers.

“Are we all present? I'd like to start the meeting before the castle awakens.”

Looking around, counting with a slimy tentacle, Bob shook his bulbous head and sighed. “Has anyone got a clue as to where Hedwig and Darius are?”

Mrs Norris immediately arched her back and sidled up to Bob. Always loved to tattle tale, that one. “They were last spotted in the Owlery. Skiving off again, I suppose. Now if I were to be given more responsibility...”

“Actually,” Trevor cut in, hopping over to stand beside Mrs Norris, inwardly cursing his small stature, “I heard that they were comparing their most recent notes on the case.”

“Which, correct me if I'm wrong,” Crookshanks said, towering over Mrs Norris, who skittered back a few inches, “is their _job_.”

“Yes,” Bob said, and if squid could roll their eyes, he'd be doing just that, “ _thank you_ , Mrs Norris. That's enough from you.”

Mrs Norris' growl of disapproval was drowned out by the whooshing of owl feathers as Hedwig and Darius took their places at the centre of the group. Spitting an errant feather out of her mouth, Mrs Norris slunk back into the crowd, not wanting to listen to the owls' witterings. She had no idea why the two owls were so revered. They had only been at Hogwarts for seven years and they had more responsibility than Mrs Norris could dream of. She'd been here for fifteen and hadn't had so much as a proper assignment, never mind an actual case.

“Ah, Darius. Hedwig.” Bob didn't particularly _like_ them, but as they were the best agents, he begrudgingly respected them and treated them as such. He'd never understood how two owls so different in nature could work together so well while still sniping at each other any chance they got, but as long as they did their jobs, he'd give them their dues. “You're here, finally. Would you like to inform us of any progress you've made since the last meeting?”

Hedwig hooted and ruffled her feathers, but before she could talk, Darius stepped forward grandly, his perfect feathers barely moving in the slight breeze. Hedwig scoffed. Bloody show off.

“Thank you. Bob, fellow members, yes, we have the most marvellous news,” Darius said, pausing for dramatic effect. “Due to some rather great work and fantastic skills, I—”

Hedwig pushed him with her wing, laughing at his disgust when she disturbed his feathers.

Darius smoothed his feathers out before continuing. “As I was saying, due to _our_ —”

“What the pompous git is trying to say is that we discovered an old nondescript apology note written by Mr Longbottom in the Gryffindor common room.” Ignoring Darius' mutters about the state of said room, Hedwig continued. “The previous addressee's name was removed and the note was delivered to Professor Sprout. Mr Longbottom will now be allowed back into Greenhouse Three to attend to his shrubs and the case is closed.”

“Oh, thank Merlin,” Trevor said, attempting a tiny fistbump with Crookshanks' paw (it didn't go well. Trevor was used to such things and carried on happily regardless). “If I had to listen to him moan and mope about those bloody plants and how they _needed him_ any longer...”

“Yes, thank you, Trevor.” Bob raised his body further out of the lake to bring himself closer to Hedwig and Darius. “Wonderful work, you two. I have a new case for you, but that can wait until the end. Now that that is settled, Monty and Bridey, what can you tell us about the Miss Bulstrode and Miss Patil case?”

And thus, the meeting began in earnest. The animals and creatures of Hogwarts held these meetings once a week (more when they were swamped) and had done for as long as anyone could remember. As students finished school, taking their pets with them, new students arrived, along with new animals to join the group. Not all animals joined and some (that pesky non-rat from a few years ago) weren't even given the opportunity to do so. The animals that did join, made sure they did their best for the school and everybody residing in it. It was in their name, after all.

Band of the Animals of Hogwarts Against Hostility; Any House, Any Human (or BAHAHAHAH, for short).

Since its inception, BAHAHAHAH had strived to maintain a semblance of peace at Hogwarts. Outside influences (that Voldie fellow that has people scared, for instance) and major conflicts (every member, especially Crookshanks, refused to get involved with Miss Granger and her crusade against house-elves) were out of their jurisdiction, but the day-to-day running of the school, that was the job they had undertaken for themselves.

As beloved pets, the members of BAHAHAHAH had intimate knowledge of any small conflicts arising in the castle, and they would bring them to Bob, who in turn would decide on who should take the case. It might be simply re-routing mail from one recipient to another, or it could be finding whatever object might be causing an argument and placing it where it should be. Peeves was an ongoing case for them, as it involved a member always shadowing him and keeping him away from the general populace. It was, by Bob's own reckoning, his highest achievement to date.

After the updates were given on the current cases (Mrs Norris once bemoaning the fact that she was once again on Peeves duty instead of a 'proper case'), Bob once again called for quiet.

“Darius, Hedwig, I know it's customary to have a few days off once finishing a case, but I'd like you both to make a start on this as soon as possible.”

“What is it, Boss?” Hedwig knew that while he grumbled at the use of the nickname, Bob secretly loved it. “I haven't heard of any urgent matters.”

A few other members echoed Hedwig's words. Bob silenced them with one small swish of a tentacle.

“It _is_ urgent and incredibly important, but you aren't going to like it much. Either of you.

Darius cleared his throat. There was nothing that had been handed to the two of them that they hadn't cleared up promptly, or at least delegated to someone who could. “Excuse me?” he asked in a manner reminiscent of his owner. “What are you implying? Are you questioning my—” Hedwig pushed him again. “—our abilities?” he finished without skipping a beat. Draco would be proud.

“Your case, if you choose to accept it, is to put a stop to the animosity that exists between the Slytherin and Gryffindor houses.”

Scoffs and laughs echoed around the group, many not believing what they were hearing. It had to be a joke. It was impossible. Darius thought there was more chance of Mr Malfoy taking tea with Mrs Weasley at the Burrow.

“That isn't all. This is very important. Essential, one might say. This has been requested of me by the only one who would.”

A murmur rose around the group. The only creature that Bob answered to was Fawkes. Outwardly, Bob followed the instructions of some of the more senior members of staff, but the group knew that was only to appease Fawkes. And if Fawkes was requesting assistance, it was _very_ important.

“What else?” Hedwig asked, not entirely sure she wanted to hear the answer.

“Fawkes has requested that Mr Harry Potter and Mr Draco Malfoy become friends.”

There was only one resounding thought throughout the group: _Well, shit._

~

The members of BAHAHAHAH dispersed, many offering consoling pats on Darius and Hedwig's wings and some (Mrs Norris) sniggering at their likelihood of failure as they passed, yet Darius and Hedwig didn't move. They had questions they needed the answers to, and only one squid who could give them.

“What the fuck, Bob?” Hedwig knew how she looked to the human population, all white feathers and pure beauty, but she had spent the last seven years living with Harry Potter. She wasn't innocent by any stretch of the imagination.

Darius, who had spent a lot longer than seven years with his owner, was a little bit more reserved. “You cannot be serious. Draco and _Potter._ ”

“Oi,” Hedwig said, nudging him with her wing. “No bitching about owners. That's the rule.”

Darius shook her off. “What do you care about rules? And you can't imagine we could succeed in this? I mean, it's those two. How many nasty notes have we had to deliver about either one of them?”

“Well,” Bob said, “maybe you could start by _not_ delivering those notes.”

Both Darius and Hedwig turned as one to face Bob, their beady eyes glaring at him.

“Not delivering some bloody notes isn't going to do anything. Have you _met_ them?”

“And _why_? Fawkes has never interfered with the students' lives before. Why now? Why those two?”

Bob actually looked slightly uneasy. “I don't know,” he admitted finally. “I just know that it is imperative that Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter end all animosity and become friendly, and the sooner, the better.”

“But I would classify this as a major issue,” Darius said, trying a different tact. “Out of our jurisdiction. Their rivalry is too great. It's a fact of life. It can't be done.”

“You two are the best I've got, and I have faith in you. If you two can come together and work as well as you do, I don't see why your owners can't.”

“But...”

“No buts. You must be off. It'll be breakfast soon and I'm sure you have mail to pick up. I'll call a meeting for a few days time to review your progress. Good luck.” With a huge sigh, he sank to the depths of the lake, leaving two unusually flustered owls behind.

~

Darius and Hedwig tried to come up with a plan of action on their way to the castle, but couldn't think of anything that might even come close to working. Thinking back to their training, they decided instead to stick with the old faithful of observation and hope something sparked an idea.

After delivering the morning post (Hedwig was often relieved that she wasn't Draco's owl whenever she saw Darius struggling with the latest box of goodies from his mum), both Hedwig and Darius stayed at their tables. It was their job, after all, to watch their charges, and nothing at all to do with the free bacon.

It was hopeless. _Something_ must have happened between Harry and Draco before breakfast. Having had her fill of bacon, Hedwig let Miss Weasley pet her as she watched Harry watch Draco. It wasn't unusual for Harry to glare every now and again at the Slytherin table, but it seemed to be getting worse. He couldn't stop staring. Hedwig knew that if she spent some time with Harry and his friends that evening, she'd hear all about how 'Malfoy was up to something' or some variation thereof.

Darius, too, was having the same thoughts of hopelessness. With all the huffing and glaring from Draco directed at the Gryffindors, Darius knew Draco's father would be 'hearing all about it'. But Darius also knew, not that he'd share it with anyone, that Mr Malfoy didn't actually know anything, and if he did, he thought himself far too important to deal with any school yard arguments.

Hedwig and Darius tried everything they could think of. Their attempt at putting Harry and Draco in the same room was the worst idea they'd ever had. Glares and mutters between their groups of friends was the best of it. Darius had had the bizarre idea of sending them both chocolate as Draco always seemed happier after eating it. That was when they discovered that teenagers hyped up on sugar and then set loose on one another was never a good plan.

They'd even staged an accident between themselves, hoping that Harry and Draco's worry over their pets would overcome their hatred for one another. All that happened was that Hedwig and Darius found themselves being smothered by Hagrid in his hut while Harry and Draco's friends shouted accusations at one another. Being covered in Fang's drool while they were 'recuperating' only added to their despair.

After a few hopeless days, it was time Hedwig and Darius to talk to Bob about their assignment. They definitely weren't giving up (Darius wouldn't hear of it; they'd be the laughing stock of BAHAHAHAH), they simply needed some input from their most esteemed colleague. Maybe some fresh ideas. And maybe a couple of extra agents to help them. Maybe even a miracle. That's what they really needed.

Bob was next to useless. If Hedwig didn't know for a fact that Bob despised even the thought of failure, she would think he was enjoying watching them faltering in their task. Bob had no brilliant ideas and there wasn't a whisper of that miracle they were after. Bob did offer them a couple of extra agents, but even that was pointless. How the bloody hell were Arnold and Pig going to help them? But, as Bob pointed out, everybody else had their own cases. It was either the two annoying little whelps or Mrs Norris, and she'd be more of a hindrance than a help, out of pure spite. Hedwig knew that the horrible old cat was probably plotting against them anyway.

After picking up Pig and Arnold (quite literally; if Hedwig and Darius waited for Pig to fly both himself and Arnold, they'd be waiting all day), the four held a meeting in a dusty corner of the castle, away from prying (yellow) eyes. Unsurprisingly, neither Pig nor Arnold had anything to add to the conversation. It had taken more than an hour to calm them both down, as excited as they were to be on a case, and, in the squeaky words of Pig, with 'the most awesomest agents as well'.

Darius had preened when he'd first heard that, but as Arnold started referring to them as the 'Awesome Foursome', he'd taken them both in his claws and threatened to throw them out of the window if they didn't shut the fuck up and listen. Draco would have been proud.

“Right,” Hedwig said, “we need a plan.”

“No shit.”

“Oh, shut up, Darius. I think you two,” Hedwig said, pointing with her wing at Pig and Arnold, “should continue the observation while me and Darius—”

“Darius and I.”

Hedwig's head slowly turned to Darius. “What?”

“It's Darius and I. It's quite easy to know when to use which. You take out—”

“And you're telling me this now. Why?”

“There's always time for proper grammar.”

“Now is _not_ the time, Darius.”

“I was just—”

“I think we have bigger problems right now, you pompous git.”

“But—”

“Whatever. Where was I?” Hedwig looked around and caught sight of Pig and Arnold, looking between her and Darius with awestruck looks on their faces. “Ah, yes. Pig, you go to Harry and try and keep quiet and out of sight.”

Darius scoffed.

Hedwig hit him with her wing. “I know, but we need someone to keep an eye on him while we figure something out. Do you have a better idea?”

Darius did not.

“Darius, you take Arnold to Draco. Just keep an eye on him and listen for anything that may be useful. Both of you. See if you can find out what the bloody hell has happened with them this week.”

“And what about you?” Darius asked, picking up the pygmy puff in his claws. Gently, of course. He didn't want to know what Bob would do if his favourite member got mangled.

“I heard Harry calling for me; maybe he wants me to deliver something. Let's just hope it's not another bloody missive about how Draco's evil or something.”

“We need to have something to tell Bob tonight,” Darius said. “Meet me back here in after your delivery and we'll see what we can do. You two,” he said to Arnold and Pig, “stay with Harry and Draco. We'll let Bob know where you are.”

~

Hedwig flapped around the meeting place, more than a little impatient at having to wait for Darius. He was supposed to drop Pig and Arnold off and come straight back. He was probably off preening himself in front of the girls in Slytherin again. The pompous git.

“Where the fuck have you been?” Hedwig demanded before Darius had a chance to land.

Darius stood up a little straighter and glared at Hedwig. “I dropped Pig off easily enough, but Miss Parkinson saw me in the Slytherin common room and wanted to smooth my feathers. It would have been rude to ignore her.”

Hedwig pushed him with her wing. She had been right. Pompous git. “I've been here waiting. I have news.”

“Is that Harry's mail?” Darius said, recognising the messily scrawled handwriting on the note on the table. “You were supposed to deliver that. Is it about Draco? What is it? Can we use it?”

“Well,” Hedwig said, deftly flipping the note open with her claw, “why don't you shut up for two bloody minutes and have a look?”

Hedwig had never been more grateful for Harry's habit of not sealing his letters than she was at that minute. The look of suspicion slowly slid from Darius' face as his beak opened in surprise.

“Wow. Potter's got an imagination; I'll give him that. Who was it intended for?”

“I don't know. I was supposed to leave it in the Shrieking Shack. There was no name. So...”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“You're not suggesting...?” he said, pointing with his wing at the note.

“I am.”

“It'll never work.”

“Have you got a better plan?”

“You seriously want to send Draco Malfoy a love note that Harry Potter meant to send to someone else?”

Hedwig simply hooted happily.

~

After persuading Darius to agree to send the note—which didn't take much; he didn't have a better plan, no matter how much he thought about it—Hedwig took the love note to the Owlery and asked one of the school owls to take it to Draco, no questions asked. The fact that the little barn owl who they asked had the biggest crush on Hedwig (not that he had a chance. She had her beady eyes on someone else, thank you very much) helped immensely.

And then they waited. With Pig and Arnold keeping an eye on Harry and Draco, Hedwig and Darius decided to take a little break and went for a fly until it was time for the meeting. They'd worked their tails off; they bloody well deserved it. Having Harry and Draco as owners was bad enough, having them as a case was, quite frankly, exhausting.

The meeting of BAHAHAHAH was in full swing by the time Hedwig and Darius had had enough of a break. Bob tutted and looked dreadfully close to tossing them into the lake when they landed right in front of him.

“Anything to report?” Bob asked loudly.

Darius shifted from claw to claw uneasily. Draco would be horrified, but he couldn't help it. He _really_ didn't like the look Bob was giving the pair of them.

“Um, well.” Hedwig stood up straighter and ruffled her feathers. Not that the animals were sorted into houses, but she'd spent more than enough time in Gryffindor to pick up a few traits. “We've been observing the subjects and have a few plans in place. It's much too soon to expect any real results.”

“Yes.” Darius stood proudly next to his partner. That blasted bravery kicking in eventually. “We should have more for you by the end of the week. We've left two capable agents observing them as we speak.”

“Oh, really.” Bob's tone was flat, and if Darius didn't know any better, he'd think him amused.

Hedwig looked at Bob as if he'd grown an extra head. It wasn't that many hours ago that he'd assigned them the extra agents himself.

A small, nervous squeak from behind them caused both Darius and Hedwig to nearly lose their feathers in shock. They turned their heads slowly, fearful of who they guessed was behind them.

“PIG!” Hedwig slapped the small owl with her wing. Hard. “What the bloody hell are you doing here?”

“You're supposed to be watching Harry!” Darius was about ready to make good his earlier threat and throw him from a window with his wings tied behind his back.

Hedwig stepped up closer to Pig slowly. Hedwig may be a beautiful creature he'd spent more than a few hours staring it, but in that moment, Pig could think of a billion places he'd rather be than in front of her. Including the twins' room when they were experimenting.

“Pig,” Hedwig said, her tone overly sweet, which made it all the more horrifying. “Where's Harry?”

The tiny owl gulped and took a minute step back. “Invisibility cloak... Ron sent me to... I couldn't... Harry.... he...”

“PIG!”

“Um...” Pig hid behind Crookshanks. Poking his head around her bushy tail, he squeaked out, “I lost him.”

 _Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit._ Hedwig and Darius didn't want to turn around. They were already trying to think of the best way to get rid of the stench of lake water from their feathers.

Hedwig cleared her throat. Right. One day of Harry running about unobserved, that was nothing. They still had Arnold keeping an eye on Draco. They'd have heard if there was a problem. Mrs Norris wouldn't have stopped gloating.

Mrs Norris, who, Hedwig noticed was practically bouncing with glee. _Shit_.

“I'm sure Harry is just off studying somewhere, Pig; no need to worry.”

Even Darius couldn't keep a straight face at Hedwig's words. She didn't actually believe it herself.

Bob's tentacles twitched. “Yes, well. I have faith in your abilities. I'll call another meeting to see how your plans are coming along later in the week. Now, on to other matters. Trevor—”

“Actually,” Mrs Norris stepped forward, an unnatural smile gracing her usually pinched face, “I observed Mr Potter and Mr Malfoy fighting in the fifth floor broom cupboard at morning break time. It was quite physical. It looks like the owls' plans aren't progressing well at all. Pity.”

Yeah, right. Pity that horrid cat had even been invited to be a member. Darius could've quite gladly thrown her into the lake. She always looked like she could do with a good bath anyway.

“Is that so?” Bob pulled himself closer to Mrs Norris. He didn't like being interrupted at the best of times. “Did anybody else witness this altercation?”

Hedwig and Darius breathed a sigh of relief. Bob looked doubtful, which meant they were probably off the hook.

“Um,” Trevor croaked, shooting an apologetic look at his friends. “I didn't see them in the cupboard, but I did see them getting physical with each other behind Hagrid's hut at lunchtime. I'm sure it was...” He trailed off, his brain not bothering to help him with an excuse.

Darius turned on the poor toad, his wings edging closer to the toad's neck.

“And I saw them after lunch.” Crookshanks couldn't look Hedwig in the eye as she spoke; she felt bad, but reports needed to be made. “They were having an... argument behind Greenhouse Three.”

“Did you?” Hedwig felt resigned. She couldn't even bring herself to feel indignant at her friends' desertion.

“I did go and find Hermione and led her to them,” Crookshanks added. “She broke it up pretty quickly.”

Between Mrs Norris' mutterings about how she could do better, Trevor and Crookshanks' apologies and the groups general chatter, Bob could feel a headache coming on. And having as big a head as he did, that was no laughing matter.

“Enough!” he bellowed, effectively shutting everybody up. “Hedwig. Find Mr Potter; keep him away from Mr Malfoy, please. I assume your plans are still in place?” Hedwig and Darius shared a look and nodded as one. “I'll organise a meeting in a few days to see what progress you've made. Darius, go to Mr Malfoy. The rest of you, stay and we'll hear about your own cases.”

Hedwig and Darius nodded and took flight. They hadn't got far when they almost fell out of the sky at what they saw. Arnold was running across the grounds as fast as his tiny legs could carry him. The poor little mite looked about ready to drop.

“Arnold!” Bob's uncharacteristic cry of anguish drew everybody else's attention.

Hedwig quickly swooped down and gently grabbed Arnold and brought him to the group. Crookshanks rushed forward to check him over and Pig gathered a few drops of water for him in his wings.

“What's happened?”

“Why the rush?”

“Is there something wrong?”

“Are they fighting again?”

“SILENCE!”

“Arnold,” Bob said, his voice unnaturally soft, “what's the matter?”

Arnold shakily got to his feet. “I made a mistake. Accidentally hid in Miss Parkinson's bag. Couldn't find Mr Malfoy. And then dinner... Miss Parkinson screamed so I popped out to see what was happening. And...”

“Yes,” Hedwig prompted, trying her utmost to sound calm and collected.

“Entrance hall. Oh, Merlin...” Arnold pointed with his paw towards the castle and promptly fainted.

Bob tenderly placed a tentacle around Arnold's body to protect him as the rest of BAHAHAHAH ran, hopped or flew at full pelt towards the castle.

~

The members of BAHAHAHAH dispersed as they reached the castle doors. The students and teachers might find all of their pets gathered together a little strange, even for a school of magic. The owls took to the rafters to get a look while the non-flying animals hid in nooks and crannies and between legs. Mrs Norris, of course, didn't bother with that, sauntering right into the centre of things. Bloody show off.

They needn't have worried. It seemed as if the entire school was gathered in the entrance hall, some even hanging precariously over the banisters to get a closer look. At the centre of the group, as expected, were Harry and Draco, but they weren't fighting. Not at all.

They were kissing.

No wonder Arnold fainted. Hedwig herself nearly fell off her perch, Darius' wing the only thing stopping her.

“I can't believe it worked,” Darius said, disbelief evident in his voice. He chirped happily. “It bloody worked.”

Hedwig couldn't talk; she could only nod meekly as she watched her owner snogging the face off Draco Malfoy.

All around the hall, the gobsmacked looks of the students and the members of BAHAHAHAH were echoed in even the professors' faces. It certainly hadn't been what anybody—animal or human—had expected to see.

And then all hell broke loose. Broken out of his stupor, Ron lunged forward, Hermione's quick reflexes the only thing keeping him from strangling Malfoy. Or Harry, for that matter.

“Harry!” Ron's face was white. “What are you doing?”

Harry broke away from Draco, smiling widely. “I'm kissing my boyfriend. What the hell does it look like I'm doing?”

“Yes, Weasley; I'm sure you have heard of it. I heard you and Brown made quite the spectacle.”

The members of BAHAHAHAH groaned. They didn't like to be remembered of that particular mission. It had taken five agents and a lot of work to fix the harmony in Gryffindor after that debacle.

“But, Malfoy?” Ron spat. “Oh, is it a love potion? I bet it's the twins. I keep telling them they need to be careful who they sell to. It's going to get them in trouble. Come on,” he said slowly, holding his arm out to Harry. “Let's get you an antidote.”

“Ron,” Hermione said, elbowing him in his ribs. “I don't think it's a love potion. I know the side effects, and Harry doesn't have glassy eyes or increased perspiration. It must be something else.”

“Yep,” Darius said happily. “It's the combined genius of us.”

Hedwig shook her head. Something was amiss, definitely. That note—as hot as it was—couldn't have worked so well, so quickly. And what about Harry's actual boyfriend—the intended recipient? Nope. They'd missed something big.

“Actually, Weasley—”

Harry nudged Draco. “Be nice.”

“Actually, _Ron_.” Draco put a big fake smile on his face. He was fooling nobody. “We've been together for a while now. We were keeping it quiet, for obvious reasons, but then Harry thought it time for us to come clean.”

“What?” Harry spluttered. “I didn't. Well, I did, but I didn't say anything. I knew how much danger it would put you in. I didn't.”

“Your letter?”

Harry blushed. “What about it?”

“It said—”

“I know damn well what it said, but it wasn't supposed to be taken literally. It was for the privacy of the shack only.”

“But the owl gave it to me here.”

“Hedwig?”

“No, a school owl.”

“Why would I send another bloody owl?”

“I don't know. But does it matter?”

“Are you sure? You know what it means.”

“Yes. It's time.”

The animals all started when Fawkes' cry echoed in their heads. As much as they wanted to see how it played out between Harry and Draco and what in Merlin's name it was time for, they couldn't miss a call from Fawkes. Fawkes didn't usually make an appearance at the meetings, and some of the younger members had never even seen him. As quietly and innocuously as they could—not that it mattered, with the school still enthralled—they made their way back to the lake.

The group's chatter about what they had just witnessed was silenced upon reaching the lake. The majestic sight of Fawkes standing beside Bob (and a fully recovered Arnold) most effective.

“Congratulations,” Fawkes said when the crowd was fully assembled. “Bob tells me that we have Hedwig and Darius to thank for such a successful mission.”

Darius stood proud, shaking his feathers out while Hedwig simply hooted, a little embarrassed. They hadn't actually done much.

“Now, I know what you're thinking, Hedwig. But you did do it.”

Darius shot her a baleful glare. She was ruining his big moment.

“For reasons you need not know, Professor Dumbledore thought that it was time for the school to unite and for that, he needed Mr Potter and Mr Malfoy to become friendly. It couldn't have gone better. I commend you on your marvellous work.”

Hedwig shook her head. Fuck it. She was going to enjoy it. It worked, whether she'd been involved or not.

“Now that Mr Malfoy and Mr Potter are friendly—” Fawkes pointedly ignored the sniggers from around the group, “—their respective groups should follow suit.”

The group cheered. They had managed the impossible. It was time to celebrate.

“But,” Fawkes said, and the group sighed, “we do have one more problem. The young Mr Weasley is not expected to follow his friends, even with the prompting of Miss Granger. We need an agent to take on the case.”

“What is it?” Crookshanks asked, fearing the answer.

“To get Mr Weasley comfortable with Mr Malfoy.”

“Not it!” came the resounding cry from the group.

“Ah, I think I'll take my leave now, and let Bob here work out the details. Thank you again for your wonderful work. Keep it up.”

Fawkes disappeared in a flash of flame. Lucky git, Bob thought. Looking around the group, Bob made a decision which would surely please everyone.

“Mrs Norris,” he said, barely concealing a grin, “you finally have your first case.”


End file.
